Firebirdlifecoach's Blog

Pursuing a Passionate Life

Tiiiime Is On Your Side, Yes It Is December 19, 2014

Filed under: Uncategorized — firebirdlifecoach @ 9:33 am
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Card2These days, I don’t think that most of us feel great about time. Time is always doing the wrong thing; it’s moving too fast or it’s going too slow. We rarely feel like “time is on our side”. The pressure to: “be on time”, “make up time” and “find time” is a relentless “TICK-TOCK” in our over-booked lives. But for all the pressure the passage of time puts on us, I would like to argue that at this time of year, when the calendar is about to slide from December into January, time becomes a quiet gift. Because the passage of a year is not just quantitatively different than the passage of an hour, or a day, a week, or a month – it is qualitatively different as well.

When we pass into a new year – we celebrate that transition with parties and silly hats, giant dropping disco balls, fireworks and champagne. “Out with the old and in with the new” – we make resolutions and promises to make dramatic changes in our lives, and we welcome the opportunity to begin again with a fresh new slate.

“Happy New Year!!!”

And while celebrating is great, I would like to invite you to add a little quiet reflection to your annual celebration this year. Find a moment in these next couple of weeks to sit quietly, and review the year we are leaving behind. Take stock of the challenges that you faced along these last twelve months and the wins and triumphs that brought you through them. Spend a little time thinking about something you learned, someone who positively impacted you, a moment you are proud of and a beautiful experience that touched you. Savor and reflect – a year is a long time, a lot has happened and you have grown – spend some time acknowledging it.

Then when you are ready to start looking ahead at the new year on our doorstep, try to resist the pressure to make New Year’s resolutions. Instead slow it down a bit and delve a little deeper. Create a map for yourself that offers more substance and possibility for real success. It’s not as simple as making resolutions, it’s really about creating a map of goals, plans, intentions and then: working it, refining it, reworking it, retooling it and moving forward. So spend some time reflecting on where you’ve been and where you are now and then take the time to thoughtfully look forward to where you would like to be. If it feels right, you might consider hiring a coach to help you along your way; someone with whom you can explore your next best steps, what strengths you bring to the process and how to harness them, someone who will help you heighten your self-awareness, challenge you to think deeply and then hold you accountable for the plans you make.

We don’t need a change in the calendar year to make changes in our lives, but this time we can use the passage of time to our advantage. It is a natural touch point – a time to reflect, a time to dream and a time plan. This time, time IS on your side. Make the best of it.

Wishing you Happy Holidays and A Great New Year!

http://firebirdlifecoaching.com/

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Forward Footsteps February 28, 2014

FeetHere’s an article of mine which was just featured on the Divorce Support Center website. http://divorcesupportcenter.com/

“Baby Steps” – we all know what that means, right? The small forward movements we make in our life to get us closer to where we want to be. They are as important to acknowledge as they are to take. After all, if you are making forward movement in your life but are discounting or failing to recognize those steps, how will they impact you?
You don’t need me to tell you how difficult going through the divorce process can be, if you are reading this likely you are experiencing it, firsthand. So many areas of your life are in flux – that it can be harder to recognize: “what stayed the same?” than “what has changed?” And along the way, as these changes unfold you are right in there, making adjustments, alterations and compromises as your new life is unfolding in front of you. And how do you get there? One little step at a time. Today, you unpack the clothes from your closet, tomorrow you open a new checking account, the next day you speak to your child’s teacher, and on and on and on.
Sometimes it feels like the process will never end. You’re six months, one year, two years or even more into the process, but the divorce still isn’t finalized. The reality is that even when it is – you still aren’t done, because the adjustments to your newly “single again” life are going to keep coming one after the other, too. You spend your first night alone in your home for the first time in years, your toilet needs to be fixed, you don’t know how to do it and your former spouse isn’t there to help you, your kids are adjusting to their new routine in a two household family, and you find yourself with a free night to do whatever you want to do – but have no idea what that even means anymore! But day after day you will face these changes, make decisions about what to do and not do, cry into your pillow and smile at your progress even if at times it feels like a pretty meager victory.
It takes a lot of strength and a lot of courage to get a divorce. It’s heart-wrenching and liberating, painful and affirming – and you will make it through, one step at a time. Because that’s what we do – we adapt, we evolve, we move forward – there is no other choice in the constantly changing landscape of our lives. So while you are at it – take a moment, lift your head and look around at how far you have come. Give credit where credit is due, as they say… Sometimes the best we can do on any given day is to just “show-up” for ourselves. And that can be enough, the “new normal” is just down the road a piece, and when we get there, that will change too! Life is change, and we move forward into our futures one moment and one step at a time. Envision your future, acknowledge your past and step forward into this new life – it is waiting for you.

 

Milestones and Memories August 12, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — firebirdlifecoach @ 11:58 am
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It’s a big day here – in fact it has been a pretty big summer – family transition-wise that is. I can’t help but think about it – as it feels all immersive. Changes for sure are a constant, day-to-day, moment-to-moment everything is in a constant state of flux – and though at times it can feel rather subtle and almost unnoticeable, that has not been the case on the home front these days. I feel like we are all, my little family and I, going through some major milestones lately – which has the net result of raising emotional levels on all scores and creating a lot of both reflective and anticipatory thinking.

My fifteen year old son has been away in New Hampshire for the last seven weeks, working as a camp counselor at a boys’ camp. He returns home this evening! And I have to tell ya – it’s a big deal. Never have either of my boys been away from home for more than a week ever before in their lives. Not only that, but at fifteen, this was his first job, aside from walking the neighbor’s dog and doing household chores. I went up to visit him last weekend and I couldn’t help but marvel at what a wonderful young man he has become, not that I hadn’t noticed him moving in this direction before, but, “Wow”. There before me was a 6′ 2″, handsome, composed, confident, bright and dryly, funny young man. The same child who went away several weeks earlier, but somehow more “complete”. Watching him transform from his role as the “younger brother” who followed his sibling’s every move as a little boy – into the presence that he is today has been a glorious experience for me. I can’t wait to give him a big, fat hug and am positively anticipating seeing what he will be like in the upcoming year.

And in the meantime, the plan is to go “back-to-school” shopping with his older brother today. (As soon as I finish this blog as a matter of fact.) But this isn’t any regular back-to-school trip – today we are going off to buy him the things he will need when he goes off to college in a couple of weeks! Notebooks, and pens will come later, today we are looking for a mini-refrigerator, a small microwave and the like. Holy cow – my baby is soon to be leaving home. On Friday, he and I spent the day together, visiting an art museum in the city and taking in lunch, it was lovely. And again – as I sat – looking at this beautiful young man – I couldn’t help but to have my heart swell with joy, excitement, wonder and some sadness. This is it – that launching that you anticipate for eighteen years – it is here – and I guess we are both ready. It surely wasn’t always easy – but what a gift and a privilege it has been. Though no one knows what will come  – you know that this shift is huge – and going forward interactions will always be a little different.

I am filled with nostalgic memories of my two boys, and with a heart-tugging bittersweetness as I look forward along side of them at their futures. Changes happen every day, but these ones feel particularly big. My babies, my boys, my young men – always cherished – always loved – they fill my heart with pride and joy. I will miss what was – and look forward to what will be.

 

Five Minutes Ago I was a Cromagnon January 13, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — firebirdlifecoach @ 10:29 am
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Evolution – the personal kind – not the apes to humans thing (though – maybe it’s true for that kind as well) is a constant. Each day we wake, we do, we feel, we interact, we start again. And even if it seems that the day is fundamentally the same as yesterday, it is not, it is new, each moment is new. We are alive and here – working our way toward the end and its indeterminate date of arrival with a constant movement forward at least as far as time and aging goes. But what we make of each of our days here is unwritten. Despite our best laid plans and expectations for what we will do today or tomorrow or next year there is absolutely no guarantee that anything is going to turn out that way.

How we interact with that march of time, the constant gamble, the choice of how we want to live each day is totally up to us despite all that is not in our control. We all know of one of those amazing stories of courage and resilience about a person who experiences some horrific life changing catastrophe and goes on to live a life full of fulfillment in a new direction than they ever imagined before. Or of a life crushing trauma that sent another person into a tail-spin of despair from which they never recover completely. There are a lot of factors that weigh in on the conclusion; mental health, financial resources, support systems, etc. but there is also the personal factor – the person involved.

What’s the expression? One person’s loss is another’s gain? What I am suggesting here is that that little quote is as much a personal orientation as an outward product. And to some degree – it is a choice that we get to make every moment of our lives. Right now, without having to think about it too hard I can think of five people I know (or maybe that would be 10) who are going through a divorce. And it is not an overstatement of fact to say that this is a devastating experience, no matter how amicably and equitably it transpires, particularly if there are children involved. And yet it is also such a huge fundamental shift in the day-to-day existence of the people involved that it is also probably one of the biggest “do-overs” we will ever be presented with in our lives. But even if we are not going through a change as dramatic as a divorce in many ways each day, each moment provides another opportunity to be different then we were before.

My day started out kind of weird today. I was having a hard time getting going and wrapping my brain around all that I had to do, and then I had a conversation with a friend. Something in that conversation reminded me of “the why” of what was on my list – the things I value, the things I am responsible for and how they interact with my dreams – and my energy shifted. I cannot predict what my day will be like exactly, but I don’t have to, in this moment I have a focus – I am moving forward, making the best of a little free time. No guarantees, and for right now, I am okay with that.