Firebirdlifecoach's Blog

Pursuing a Passionate Life

Homage to Kimbob September 15, 2011

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Gonna keep this one brief – since I really have to get going here this morning – but I wanted to take a brief moment to reflect on the last few days here. I just bid goodbye – to my dear old friend who lives a mere 2700 miles away – and who I have had the great pleasure of spending time with over the last week. We have been best buds now for the last 35+ years – and though we only get the chance to see each other every few years or so – the bond we share is as close as ever, if not closer. There is nothing quite like a friendship that has endured the test of time. We have seen each other through our adolescence – our young adulthoods, we each acted as the other’s “maid-of honor” at our respective weddings, have shared the passing of each other’s fathers, have each become mothers of two great sons  and have in all ways grown from girls to women, together and separately.

Over the last few days, we have gone on little adventures together, shared many a great meal and talked and laughed and talked some more. We are two very different people who align on some very important levels and our friendship has endured and grown stronger. We talked a lot about this while she was here – how we have managed to stay such close friends over the years and the distance and the differences and we came up with this – we have a deep and true respect and admiration for one another. We don’t always agree, and as two strong women – we have locked horns on occasion – but our bond remains true.

There are few people in my life that have touched me so significantly and who mean so much. I feel grateful for my kindred spirit and lifelong ally and will never underestimate the value of honesty and respect in friendship as I know first hand how important and powerful it is. So “bye for now” my dear friend – until the next time – I love you always.



Treasured Friendship February 19, 2010

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There was a box of treasure waiting for me when I got home last night. My oldest and dearest friend had sent me a package. My sons enthusiastically looked on as I opened the unadorned box and found the surprises inside. She had been to a gem and mineral show in her city and had gathered a collection of baubles and bangles for me to enjoy. All total there were three pair of earrings, three rings, four bracelets and a sweet little Mexican pierced-tin box. It was great!

Just the evening before I had been telling my boyfriend about this friend and how much I love her. We have been close friends for about 35 years and most of that time we have not lived in the same state, or even the same region of the country. We see each other, at most once every several years as we both have responsibilities at home which make the long trip a challenge. We talk on the phone maybe once a month, though may often leave each other voicemail in between. There is a lot of distance and time between us and yet we are as close now as we have ever been. We have grown up together, shared the stories of school and boyfriends together, supported each other on the deaths of our fathers, stood in for each other as “maid of honor” at each of our weddings, and shared the challenges of raising our sons (we each have two).

Our personalities, environments and lives are quite different and yet the bond between us is solid and meaningful for both of us. We are not without our challenges – we are both strong-minded women who can occasionally “lock horns” on a topic, but this does not threaten our bond. There is an understanding, a respect and knowing between us that goes deeper than any other friendship I have ever had, quite simply we love each other and we let each other know. Aside from my family – my relationship with her is the longest lasting one of my life and I look forward to the milestones we will face together down the road.

So as I get myself ready for my day today, I have the pleasure of choosing which of the assortment of baubles and bangles I get to adorn myself with today: an outward symbol and simple reminder of the friendship that has been with me almost my whole life.  And that friendship is a reminder to me to: let the people I love know that I love them, to work hard for the things that matter in your life even when circumstance makes it seem unlikely to succeed, and to treat those around me with respect, caring and understanding. Thank-you, my dear friend…


The Little Red Light February 3, 2010

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The little red light on my home telephone was flashing at me when I got home last night, beckoning me to listen to the message/s it was storing for me. I ignored it. Not that I didn’t consider that it may have been an important bit of information which I would have wanted to hear – but because often it is a sales call, an appointment reminder or some other electronic message I figured it could wait. So, I settled in first, talked with my boys, ate a little supper, went through my mail and so on.  At about 8:00, I decided to give it a listen…

It was my dearest and oldest friend calling from her home which unfortunately, is about 2700 miles away. She was calling, because she had been thinking of me and was wondering if I would be interested in some wooden jewelry that she had recently discovered. The second voicemail message was from the same friend – left about fifteen minutes after the first – wishing me a happy birthday,  if it was my birthday, which she wasn’t 100% sure about though she had narrowed it down to three possible dates – (one of which was actually correct).

The messages themselves really aren’t the point of this story though, what was important was hearing her voice and how it made me feel. My dear old friend has an effervescence and positive energy that is infectious. As she rambled on about the jewelry and the birthday she laughed and joked and I could most definitely hear her smiling. I saved both messages. I played them again for my son and talked about them again later. And here I am writing a blog about them.

Such a silly little thing and yet I was/am so moved by it. Listening to those messages; I felt joy, I felt love, and I felt acceptance and history and presence. So much there in a few seconds of recording, the power of words, and relationships and energy over miles and years. I called her back of course – but she was not home, so I left her a message instead – I hope that it gives her as much pleasure as her messages had for me.


Friend or Foe? February 2, 2010

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Think for a minute about the people you surround yourself with and what their effect is on your life. Who are these people and what sort of impact do they have on you? Cuz it’s really important. Most of us lead a very busy life, that’s just the way we roll in the new millennium. Endless streams of commitments and responsibilities fill our days and our free time is precious and hard-won. So don’t we owe it to ourselves to fill it with people who make us feel good about ourselves? What purpose does it serve to fill your life with people who are draining, demeaning or difficult?

No one person is perfect. We all have our rough patches and we are not all easy to get along with, it’s just the simple reality. It is necessary to accept that imperfection is just part of the human experience and learning to work in an imperfect system is part of the game. But we all deserve to be treated respectfully. We hope that our friends see in us the qualities we want to see in them. The suggestion here is not that we must constantly be surrounded by people who stroke our egos and flatter us with false platitudes. The idea is to have people who encourage you, who care about who you really are and who support you even when they don’t agree with you. And don’t expect them to be mind-readers, tell them what you need and don’t expect to always get what you want.

Our friends are the people with whom we can make lasting memories, not just a collection of names of Facebook. Think about how they impact you, do they shore you up and drive you forward or do they hold you back and tie you down? You have the choice to work within the given relationship, attempt to fix the parts that aren’t working for you, reject the things that are not, make the situation better or move along. As with everything there are no right answers.