Here’s an article of mine which was just featured on the Divorce Support Center website. http://divorcesupportcenter.com/
“Baby Steps” – we all know what that means, right? The small forward movements we make in our life to get us closer to where we want to be. They are as important to acknowledge as they are to take. After all, if you are making forward movement in your life but are discounting or failing to recognize those steps, how will they impact you?
You don’t need me to tell you how difficult going through the divorce process can be, if you are reading this likely you are experiencing it, firsthand. So many areas of your life are in flux – that it can be harder to recognize: “what stayed the same?” than “what has changed?” And along the way, as these changes unfold you are right in there, making adjustments, alterations and compromises as your new life is unfolding in front of you. And how do you get there? One little step at a time. Today, you unpack the clothes from your closet, tomorrow you open a new checking account, the next day you speak to your child’s teacher, and on and on and on.
Sometimes it feels like the process will never end. You’re six months, one year, two years or even more into the process, but the divorce still isn’t finalized. The reality is that even when it is – you still aren’t done, because the adjustments to your newly “single again” life are going to keep coming one after the other, too. You spend your first night alone in your home for the first time in years, your toilet needs to be fixed, you don’t know how to do it and your former spouse isn’t there to help you, your kids are adjusting to their new routine in a two household family, and you find yourself with a free night to do whatever you want to do – but have no idea what that even means anymore! But day after day you will face these changes, make decisions about what to do and not do, cry into your pillow and smile at your progress even if at times it feels like a pretty meager victory.
It takes a lot of strength and a lot of courage to get a divorce. It’s heart-wrenching and liberating, painful and affirming – and you will make it through, one step at a time. Because that’s what we do – we adapt, we evolve, we move forward – there is no other choice in the constantly changing landscape of our lives. So while you are at it – take a moment, lift your head and look around at how far you have come. Give credit where credit is due, as they say… Sometimes the best we can do on any given day is to just “show-up” for ourselves. And that can be enough, the “new normal” is just down the road a piece, and when we get there, that will change too! Life is change, and we move forward into our futures one moment and one step at a time. Envision your future, acknowledge your past and step forward into this new life – it is waiting for you.