Firebirdlifecoach's Blog

Pursuing a Passionate Life

Milestones and Memories August 12, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — firebirdlifecoach @ 11:58 am
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It’s a big day here – in fact it has been a pretty big summer – family transition-wise that is. I can’t help but think about it – as it feels all immersive. Changes for sure are a constant, day-to-day, moment-to-moment everything is in a constant state of flux – and though at times it can feel rather subtle and almost unnoticeable, that has not been the case on the home front these days. I feel like we are all, my little family and I, going through some major milestones lately – which has the net result of raising emotional levels on all scores and creating a lot of both reflective and anticipatory thinking.

My fifteen year old son has been away in New Hampshire for the last seven weeks, working as a camp counselor at a boys’ camp. He returns home this evening! And I have to tell ya – it’s a big deal. Never have either of my boys been away from home for more than a week ever before in their lives. Not only that, but at fifteen, this was his first job, aside from walking the neighbor’s dog and doing household chores. I went up to visit him last weekend and I couldn’t help but marvel at what a wonderful young man he has become, not that I hadn’t noticed him moving in this direction before, but, “Wow”. There before me was a 6′ 2″, handsome, composed, confident, bright and dryly, funny young man. The same child who went away several weeks earlier, but somehow more “complete”. Watching him transform from his role as the “younger brother” who followed his sibling’s every move as a little boy – into the presence that he is today has been a glorious experience for me. I can’t wait to give him a big, fat hug and am positively anticipating seeing what he will be like in the upcoming year.

And in the meantime, the plan is to go “back-to-school” shopping with his older brother today. (As soon as I finish this blog as a matter of fact.) But this isn’t any regular back-to-school trip – today we are going off to buy him the things he will need when he goes off to college in a couple of weeks! Notebooks, and pens will come later, today we are looking for a mini-refrigerator, a small microwave and the like. Holy cow – my baby is soon to be leaving home. On Friday, he and I spent the day together, visiting an art museum in the city and taking in lunch, it was lovely. And again – as I sat – looking at this beautiful young man – I couldn’t help but to have my heart swell with joy, excitement, wonder and some sadness. This is it – that launching that you anticipate for eighteen years – it is here – and I guess we are both ready. It surely wasn’t always easy – but what a gift and a privilege it has been. Though no one knows what will come  – you know that this shift is huge – and going forward interactions will always be a little different.

I am filled with nostalgic memories of my two boys, and with a heart-tugging bittersweetness as I look forward along side of them at their futures. Changes happen every day, but these ones feel particularly big. My babies, my boys, my young men – always cherished – always loved – they fill my heart with pride and joy. I will miss what was – and look forward to what will be.

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Romancing the Muse August 7, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — firebirdlifecoach @ 4:09 pm
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It is six o’clock in the morning, the household is quiet and I tiptoe out to the porch, hot coffee in hand. My laptop, is there waiting for me, brought out moments earlier as part of my preparations. I sit down, sign in and wait. I close my eyes, take a few deep breaths and wait some more. She’s here, I know she is – I just can’t see her yet. I wait some more, still, quiet, listening, deeply, inwardly, patiently. Where are you?

My muse is an elusive phantom who cannot be pushed into making an appearance. I cannot force a visitation. Gentle enticements are the bait for this ethereal creature. Like the hummingbird who visits the flowers in my garden, she comes when she wants to, and any sudden aggressive movements will surely frighten her away.

But I know the steps to this dance now. I have practiced my part and I am ready. My job is to create the space. If it is writing that I am after – timing is of crucial significance. Early mornings are always best – but not if there is other activity around me. Interruptions are my enemy. Though I often enjoy music in the background, or the simple sounds of songbirds – conversation is the death knell. Chaos – is just that. Calm is the key. I can have an idea in mind, in fact I often have several swimming around in there, but it is not until I feel the gentle touch of my muse that the words begin to flow, down from brain, flowing quietly, smoothly like the waters of a stream, down over my shoulders, through my arms and out through my fingertips like individual droplets of water. The writing simply flows, and I never know where exactly it will take me until I am done.

If it art that I am after – a different ritual takes place. Again, I enjoy music that fits my energy level. Though honestly, this is a constant for me – rarely am I without music – it is my constant companion. But like with writing, my first step is about creating the space to create a piece of art. Depending on what feels right – I select my paper and set it up – on the wall over plastic sheets, on the easel set-up in my studio/office space or sometimes outside, in the grass. I gather my tools; pastels, paper towels, smudge sticks, ink, brushes and an occasional kneaded eraser. I change into my “art clothes” the oversized, stained and comfortable shirts that free me from worry. And then when I am all ready – I close my eyes and wait as mind and muse merge. I see the colors, feel the gestures, and let go of my controlled thought in favor of the moment and the state of flow which washes over me. Trading colors, blue for green, red for purple – making lines, blending colors, feeling shapes, seeing and not seeing, feeling and flowing.

There are times when the desire to write or to draw is a force that I cannot ignore. I can feel the pressure building inside of me. There is a drawing waiting to be created, a story needing to be told – sometimes other demands take precedence. And that can hard, as days, weeks and even months can pass. And when this happens I can often feel unsettled, dissatisfied and even physically unwell. But I know it will break. It always does – the muse will visit again. I know this because we are interconnected – my muse and me.  I need her for inspiration and she needs me for manifestation.

It is my job to create the space,

–      my job to find the time,

–      my job to gather the tools,

–      and my job to collect the ideas.

But it is the muse – that magical goddess of inspiration who takes these elements and creates the art. Like the honored guest at a precious banquet – she enters, strikes the match, lighting the candles and signaling that it is time for the feast to begin.

(Drawing by Arthur Rackham)