As I sat down to write this blog – and searched for the words to begin – one phrase kept coming into mind, “Bless me father for I have sinned, it has been three weeks since my last blog posting.” (Apparently some things stay with a person no matter how long ago they have become obsolete.) But this post is really not about religion, Catholicism or sin – rather it’s about the promises we make to ourselves and what happens when we break them. In a few short days I will hit my two-year anniversary as a blog writer and that makes me feel pretty good. Over the course of two years I have written about 150 posts – or approximately one every five days or so. Not bad really when you look at it that way – though there is part of me that wishes the number was more like one every other day.
When I set-out on this little journey I endeavored to write a blog every day – and I did – for about a month or so. Inspired by the prolific, cleverness of Seth Godin ( http://sethgodin.typepad.com/) – I started out “all fired up and ready to go”. For a while I set my alarm for 5:00 am, as I found that the morning was my best time to write, and even though on some days I wasn’t sure what I would “talk” about – I somehow managed to get something out. And I loved it! Though I would not have described myself as a “writer” I could safely say that I always enjoyed writing and spending some time composing a blog each day was a centering and rewarding experience. But after a month or so – daily entries started to feel like way more than I was willing to commit to. Some days I just didn’t have anything to say – and/or I just couldn’t manage to “get up and at it” as I had been doing. So the writing started to drop off and at some point even had dwindled to one post every couple of months.
And this – did not sit well. Because almost every day – whether I wrote or not – I would think about writing. Sometimes I would jot down ideas, only to never get around to fleshing them out, other days I would plan writing time, only to find that other demands would get in the way. Many times, I would start a post – and then get distracted by something and end up never finishing it. There is a stream of consciousness and immediacy about this for me – which makes finishing a partially written post almost impossible. In fact, I started a post about two and a half weeks ago – which was mostly written, but not finished – and for the last couple of weeks I have revisited it many times – but just haven’t been able to finish and post it – it is still languishing in my drafts folder.
So, where the heck am I going with all this anyway? I guess, I just want to say – that writing this blog is something I am committed to doing. Though delusions of grandeur have me hoping that my words will resonate with and inspire the reader, I know that there are times when likely no one will read these posts besides me. And though I would prefer if they were “spread around” and I was connecting with others through these posts – I know that is only one of the reasons I am writing here. Simply – I need to do this for me, it makes me happy. Would I prefer to have the consistent proliferation of a daily blog – “yeah, maybe”. Would I at the very least like to post every couple of days – ” I would”. Will I continue to write here and there even if weeks and months occasionally separate the postings – “yep”. Because when I think about it – the promise I make to myself here – is to keep writing – it isn’t about the frequency and volumeof posts, or even about the number of people who read it – it is about the experience and doing something I love.
Sure I could choose to “beat myself up” for not writing more frequently – but I seriously doubt that it would have any positive effect. Rather I shall choose to celebrate my two-year blogging birthday and my commitment to continuing to do this thing that I find so rewarding. And I hope that others will read these words, share them with others, and most of all walk away wuth the message – to be gentle with yourself and support yourself in that which makes you feel good. It is not “lowering the bar” it is “opening the door”. Come out, come out wherever you are…